Miracle in Montreal – Part 9

written by Tim Knapp on Wednesday, October 21, 2009 at 10:29pm

The update I did not want to write

I have fought for the past three days with whether to open up my laptop and share what is going on. I have wondered if this should be included in a series of notes that are telling the tale of a miracle. But I have been reminded that at the outset of this whole saga, I established in my heart that I would be faithful to relay this story with transparency. I told God that I wanted Him to use this journey to speak REAL hope to REAL people going through REAL life. And although it is difficult right now, I will endeavour to fulfill my commitment.

Since Saturday, Lisa has been doing quite poorly. Through blood work that they did on Monday, it was discovered that Lisa has become anemic (low hemoglobin in the blood). Normally Lisa should have a blood count of about 120. It was 55. At the same time they discovered that Lisa was passing a significant amount of blood (explaining the anemia), and they still are not certain where it is coming from. Due to the anemia, Lisa has become void of any energy. The walks have ceased. In her words, “If I had a race with a slug, the slug would win.” (I couldn’t help but laugh.) She is not eating, partly because it hurts but primarily because she says that it requires too much energy.

Last night they gave her a blood transfusion.

Just when it had seemed that Lisa was getting better and the end of her time in Montreal was in sight, things went backwards.

And I have been discouraged.

It’s not that I have lost heart. I do not doubt that God knows what He is doing and is working for Lisa’s (and my) best interest. It is just that I cannot see where God is going with this. My faith is being stretched… thin.

Why is it so difficult for us Christians to be real when we are struggling? Sometimes we are afraid that acknowledging our doubts will cast a poor light on our beliefs. More often we are afraid that it will simply cast a poor light on US. We seem to either throw out Christian platitudes or we pull MY usual stunt and simply clam up. The funny thing is that all of us go through times where we don’t have a clue what God is doing or if He’s even out there listening, and yet because we’re all so busy trying to look like we are strong, we isolate ourselves and feel like we’re some kind of unique failure.

Today I began to cut myself off from even my closest friends. I began to indulge in a pity party. I even withdrew from real interaction with Lisa. (Thankfully she called me on it, which spurred me to pull out my laptop tonight.)

God is not threatened by the frailty of my faith. In fact, not only is He not threatened by my questions, He invites them. It is HIM that is doing the stretching. Because it is not until the ground beneath me is shaken that I learn what it is to lean on Him.

Tomorrow Lisa is due to receive two more units of blood. Hopefully that will restore her energy. Thankfully the bleeding seems to have stopped (as they have been playing with the mixture of blood thinners), and she was even able to eat a little supper tonight.

I do not know if Lisa will improve tomorrow or get worse. I do not know if she will be able to return home with me on Sunday (when I must return for work on Monday). I do not know if we will be able to make our long-planned trip back west for Christmas. But one thing I know: The faithfulness of my God is not in jeopardy. He was faithful on the day of her miraculous surgery. He was faithful when she slapped the wall at the end of the hallway. He was faithful when she developed blood clots in her lungs. And He will be faithful tomorrow.

My faith may be frail. But the One that my faith rests upon is not.


Continue to Miracle in Montreal – Part 10


Leave a Reply